If the Fates Allow
by JordanMcGee
Summary: "I sometimes wish you'd come back five years sooner…or five years later." What if Tara never came back to Charming? It would be destiny delayed, not denied as these soul mates always find their way to each other. AU One Shot.


**If the Fates Allow**

 _AN: Happy Holidays everyone! I was working on finishing TRD2, but this one shot popped into my head and wouldn't leave. So here's my Christmas/Hanukkah/Holiday present for you. Title is a line from all-time my favorite Christmas carol._

 _Characters belong to KS; all I own is my imagination and what Santa brings me. Also, everything I know about heart defects and surgery, I learned from Googling so apologies if I get anything wrong._

* * *

Dr. Tara Knowles' hands - always so sure, always so steady - tremble slightly as she reads the file in front of her: five-year old Abel Teller, born with a double dose of bad fucking luck - gastroscisis courtesy of his drug addict mother and CHD inherited from his father and grandmother - now faces another potential life threatening trauma.

Heading home from their father-son weekend trip to Disneyland, a pre-Christmas gift from the doting dad, Abel had started gasping for air, crying from chest pains as he struggled to breathe. No doubt terrified, his father had pulled over on the freeway and called an ambulance; a lifelong resident of northern California, Jackson Teller wouldn't know the dizzying jumble of LA's streets and - despite his panic - the man she once knew would never consider entrusting his son's life to the virtual hands of a navigational app.

And so after sixteen long years, a screeching ambulance had ushered the love of her life back into her life.

Tara looks away from the file to the expectant gaze of the ER doctor, who'd had the inimitable pleasure of trying to calm down a distressed Jax Teller. "So you said you briefed…Mr. Teller…on the process - how did he take it?"

Sighing loudly, Dr. Carter leans back in his chair. "He was a little freaked out - understandably so, since they all thought everything was okay after the boy's first surgery. But he calmed down a little after I told him we were bringing in a top pediatric cardiologist. Good thing, too. I can't explain it, but there's something about the guy that scares the shit out of me."

If you only knew, Tara muses wryly. For as long as she'd known Jax - from childhood friends to high school sweethearts - he was the sweetest, most loving constant in her life; for the lonely, love-starved girl she'd been, he was her whole world. But even she couldn't deny the fact that her beautiful boy with his heart-stopping smile had a fierce, volatile temper. Although he'd always tried to keep it in check around her, she'd seen him attack others - sometimes violently but always furiously. And as SAMCRO slowly and surely sucked him under, his fiery temper and appetite for violence escalated - carefully and deliberately fanned by both Gemma and Clay - into a weapon to service the MC. It'd been one of the reasons that she insisted on a clean break when he refused to leave Charming with her; she hadn't wanted to witness the destruction of the person she loved most in the world.

But he was a father now - and a devoted one, based on what Dr. Carter had told her of their conversation. Apparently Jax could easily recall, not only all the names and phone numbers of Abel's doctors, but also every single drug and the dosage prescribed for his little boy. A small, fond smile touches Tara's lips; Jax had always possessed an amazing memory, but only if he cared enough to remember.

"Did you let him know that I'd be the cardiologist working on his son?" Tara braces herself for Carter's response; she'd been floored when she arrived after receiving the emergency call and saw Jax's name on Abel's in-take form. What if he doesn't trust her to put feelings aside and do her job? Their break-up had been excruciating for them both; for all she knows, he hates her now…or worse - forgotten that she existed.

Carter shrugs as he rises to his feet. "I didn't mention you specifically because I wasn't sure if it would be you or Dr. Benton, since you're both on call. Although I guess I should've figured it would be you." Reddening, he clamps his mouth shut - no doubt wishing he could take back that last remark, even though everyone at the hospital knows that Tara's got no family and, with her heavy workload, absolutely no life. Which is why - fair or not - she always got the automatic call on holidays; today, being Christmas Eve, was no exception.

She pats him on the shoulder reassuringly as they walk out of her office together; he's not the only one of her colleagues to comment on her near robotic work-sleep-work existence. It's something she's been planning to rectify herself, but for now - Abel Teller's her first priority.

* * *

Hesitating at the waiting room door, Tara sucks in a breath to calm herself. Over the years she must've imagined what her reunion with Jax would be like over a million times, never considering that they _wouldn't_ meet again. But not once did she ever envision their paths crossing like this; her re-acquaintance fantasies hadn't included counseling him as a sick patient's father - nor as someone else's husband.

" _Fortem posce animum,"_ she hisses to herself; channeling one of her uber-militant med school professors. _Pray for a strong mind_ …or get the fuck out. Straightening her shoulders, Tara pushes her way through the door; she's Dr. Knowles now, a board-certified pediatric cardiologist and neonatal specialist, there's not a fucking thing she can't handle. Including her ex.

He's broader, more muscular than the nineteen-year-old she left behind; the lines crinkling around his eyes and mouth add more compelling character to his face. She hadn't thought it humanly possible but thirty-five-year-old Jackson Teller's even more gorgeous than the beautiful boy who's haunted her thoughts and dreams for over a decade and a half. And his eyes, widening in shocked recognition at the sight of her, seem bluer than ever before. Damn it.

"Tara?" Gasping in disbelief, Jax rushes towards her as if afraid she'd vanish if he doesn't get to her fast enough. He grips her shoulders in his big hands while that intense blue gaze devours every inch of her face. "It is you…" he breathes, a grin lighting up his face. "What are you doing here?"

Momentarily dazzled by such close proximity to him again - and by those beautiful cerulean eyes fixed on her - Tara swallows hard before returning his smile. "I work here, Jax." Her pulse quickens as he takes in her green scrubs and white doctor's coat then steps back and regards him somberly. "And I'm the cardiologist assigned to your son's case."

His smile vanishes, hands dropping from her shoulders. For a few anxious moments, Tara worries that he might doubt her ability to help his son, that he'll reject her and ask for another doctor - after all, he knew her when she was nothing. But Jax blows away her insecurities when he smiles at her with admiration and pride then cups her cheek, his thumb lightly stroking her skin. "There's no one I'd trust more with my boy."

* * *

Tara loves being a doctor. Her scholarly, always-churning brain thrives on the intense discipline, the never-ending pursuit of knowledge, the challenges that each surgical procedure brings. And, although it may sound like a cliché among her fellow doctors, she does feel the inexorable drive to help people - possibly stemming from the pull that compelled her for years to tend to her abusive father when he'd be too drunk or hung-over to function, to make him hot meals every day despite his scathing insistence that her cooking tasted like shit. Fortunately, unlike Frank Knowles - town drunk, her patients and their families seem to value her existence and help.

Studying her current patient, she feels the tug on her own heart. Adorable Abel Teller looks every inch his father's son - especially the way he gazes at her with those bright blue eyes. It takes all her self-control not to gather the little boy into her arms and squeeze tight; had she made a different decision years ago, he might've been her son too. Instead she settles for flashing him her best smile. "Hey there, Abel. I'm Dr. Knowles, and I'll be taking care of you today. How are you feeling?"

"Okay," he answers in a small voice. "Where's my Daddy?"

 _Jax clutches both of her hands, as if bracing himself to hear what's wrong with his son._

" _Abel has what's called pericardial effusion - too much fluid in the membrane surrounding his heart causing the compression. Likely, it's been building up slowly since the surgery he had after he was born." At his tortured expression, Tara squeezes his hand. "You can't blame yourself, Jax. Unfortunately, this isn't something that's easily detected; there are no symptoms and, in Abel's case, the growth rate must've been very slow since his doctors never saw it during his check-ups."_

 _She takes a deep breath as he absorbs her words - talking to parents about their sick children is always hard, but the pain on Jax's face guts her as well. "Most times pericardial effusion is minor and can be treated with medication, but in Abel's case, the high level of fluid triggered a cardiac tamponade, which is why he had the chest pains and trouble breathing." Her fingers tighten around his. "Cardiac tamponade is life-threatening, Jax; so we need to drain out all the fluid…"_

" _Holy shit, Tara!" He drops her hands and starts pacing the waiting room frantically. "Are you talking about cutting him open? Operating on his heart? Jesus Christ! He was perfectly fine this morning…how the fuck can this be happening?"_

 _Walking over to him, she peers up into his anguished face. "No, at this point, surgery isn't required. What we have to do is a pericardial tap - it is an invasive procedure; we'll have to inject a needle into his chest and drain the fluid." She rubs his arm when his jaw drops in horror. "I've performed these before - sadly, on children younger than Abel - and they've all turned out fine…You said you trusted me, Jax. Did you mean it?"_

 _He stares at her with wet and worried eyes before picking up her hand again and twining their fingers. "Yes."_

Tara ruffles Abel's hair before tapping him gently on his cute little nose. "He's outside waiting for you. This should only take an hour and then you can see him - sound good?"

"Yeah." Abel beams a shy smile that melts her into a stupid gooey puddle; damn - like father, like son. "You're my Daddy's friend."

Tara's mouth drops open in surprise that Jax would tell his five-year old son about his high school girlfriend; they were ancient history. "Uh, yes, we were friends when we were kids. How did you know? Did your Daddy tell you?" But when? As far as she knows, Jax hasn't been able to see his son since Abel was admitted to the ICU; they'd been conducting non-stop tests on the little boy up to this point.

Nodding, Abel's eyelids droop as the sedative the nurse had given him starts to kick in. "You look like the picture in his room…the one he looks at all the time."

* * *

"Abel's going to be fine." It's much-welcome news, not only for the anxious father, but for Tara as well - in the short span of time spent with the sweet little boy, she's fallen for yet another Teller man. How could she not? It seems that Abel's a precious blend of Jax and his late brother Tommy, whom she'd adored as well. "We'll need to keep him here overnight for observation, but barring any complications, he should be discharged tomorrow. You guys won't have to spend all of your Christmas here at the hospital."

Springing from his chair, Jax hauls her into his arms. "Thank you," he rasps fervently in her ear before burying his face into her neck.

Unable to help herself, Tara wraps her arms around him, burrowing against his solid chest. A rush of longing overwhelms her as she revels in the unmistakable scent of him, the steady beat of his heart, the rock-hard strength of his embrace. How many times over the years had she dreamed of holding him again, feeling his powerful body against hers? Apparently too many, considering the whole-hearted intensity she's devoted to her work to try and forget him and her near-embarrassing chain of broken relationships because she can't.

"Dr. Knowles?" The sound of Carter's tentative voice breaks through her wistful reverie. Pulling away from Jax, she turns to face the puzzled ER doctor; it's one thing to console to her patients' parents, quite another to be caught in a full body clench. But it's not like they're going to fire her. "I just finished my rounds," Carter informs her, his gaze flickering speculatively to Jax before returning to her. "And I think we're going to be okay for tonight. If you need to be somewhere else, we can handle things here."

Feeling her cheeks grow hot, she murmurs her thanks then turns back to Jax. "Abel's still a little groggy from the sedative, but I can take you to him." At his grateful nod, she leads him out of the waiting room to the restricted ICU section, deliberately maintaining a careful distance; it wouldn't do for the hospital staff to watch her turn into a drooling mess over her ex-boyfriend.

"I'll tell the staff that it's okay for you to stay in his room until visiting hours end," she tells him once they're outside of Abel's room. "I can get permission for your wife, too." Christ, those words burn in her throat; the idea of Jax married to someone else, fathering a child with someone else hurts more than any slap or punch or kick from her dad and Joshua combined. She looks away before he can notice the pain that she can't seem to hide. "Unfortunately, the hospital has strict rules in the ICU - parents only; Gemma and your guys won't be able to go in once they get here. But hopefully Abel can get discharged tomorrow."

She feels his fingers on her cheek, tilting her face to look at him. "Tara, I'm…"

"Daddy?" Whatever he'd wanted to tell her dies on his lips at the sound of Abel's soft, tentative voice. A broad grin spreads across his face before he darts into the room to be with his son.

Watching father and son through the glass wall, Tara smiles despite the pang ripping through her; this could've been, should've been her family - except Jax refused to leave Charming with her and she had to go, with or without him. He hadn't wanted to leave his Club and she couldn't remain in that suffocating little town - not if she wanted to pursue her goal to become a doctor, not if she wanted to escape the fate of her mother, pill-popping Grace Knowles who'd been so haunted and bitter over her broken dreams that she'd opted to take a permanent swim in the San Joaquin River when Tara was nine.

Well, it's too late for any regrets; she and Jax have their own lives now - he's got his family and his Club, and she's got her career, which is about to take another important turn. Two paths headed in different directions, just like fifteen years ago. Tara spares another moment to drink in the captivating sight of the two beautiful Teller men with their heads together - like sunshine in the darkness. "Merry Christmas, Jax," she whispers then turns to leave for home.

* * *

Sipping her wine, Tara regards her plate of spaghetti ruefully; she hadn't made this particular dish in years as most of her meals have either come from her steamer or microwave or from the hospital cafeteria or vending machine. But seeing Jax today had brought back so many memories, including how he'd always asked her to make spaghetti for him - ever since they were kids. _"Yours is the best, Tara!" he'd gushed, eagerly digging into the large pile of meat covered pasta. "Even better than my mom's…but don't tell her I said that."_

She'd just sat down at her table when the doorbell rings. Frowning, she checks her phone for text messages from her neighbors - their usual preferred mode of communication given all of their different hours - but there were none. Who the hell would want to see her this late on Christmas Eve, she wonders as her doorbell rings again and again. Walking slowly to the door, she considers not opening it - after all, she'd heard the news reports about home invaders.

"Tara, I know you're in there. I can hear your TV." All thoughts of her neighbors and home invaders disappear at the sound of Jax's strident voice blasting through the closed door and filling the room.

Flinging the door open, she stares stupidly as Jax scowls at her then stomps inside. "Are you alone?" Growling the question, he doesn't wait for her to answer before stalking through all the rooms in her small house.

"Jax, what are you doing here? How did you know where I live?" She can't imagine anyone at the hospital would give out her home address; it's completely against policy.

Apparently now convinced that they're alone, he turns his bad-tempered attention to her. "Why did you leave the hospital without saying goodbye?"

Tara gapes at him for a few seconds, still trying to register the fact Jax Teller was in her home - after sixteen years of wishing it so. "I didn't need to say goodbye…not yet. I'll be at the hospital tomorrow to check on Abel; since I'm his doctor, I have to sign his discharge papers when he's ready to go. Besides, oh…"

She doesn't get a chance to finish before Jax crushes her to him and fuses his mouth to hers, the hot intensity of his kiss burning away her will to resist him - not that she ever could. But wait - she isn't his lovesick Old Lady anymore…and he isn't hers.

"Stop…" Struggling for control, she pushes at him but he holds on tight. "What are you doing, Jax? What is this? We're not kids anymore. You're married with a family and I…"

He interrupts her again, this time pressing a finger to her lips. "I'm not married - haven't been for years; I guess St. Thomas hasn't updated that on Abel's files, if that's your source. But if you don't want me here, Tara - just say the word and I'll go." Stepping back, he flashes her his cocky, heart-stopping smirk that's never failed to reduce her to an over-eager, over-heated mass of hormones dying to fuck him. Not then and not now.

"Shut up, Teller." Tara pulls his head down to hers so she can devour him, just like she'd wanted to do the second she saw him in the hospital waiting room. "Shut up and fuck me."

Jax resists for a second, just long enough for her to watch that sexy smirk spread into a full-blown grin. "That's my girl," he quips before claiming her mouth.

Damn, he tastes even more intoxicating than she'd remembered - smoky, sinful, fucking delicious. Tangling her fingers in his hair - a little stiff from the gel he'd used to sweep it from his face, but still so thick and soft - she molds herself to him, loving the feel of his hard cock pressing against her and the sound of his moans when she slide her hands down his back to squeeze his oh-so-perfect ass.

Her head's spinning when the need for air finally breaks them apart. "Oh shit, Babe." She feels his hot breath rasping against her cheek, but apparently he's not too disoriented to pull at her sweatpants until they drop to the floor. Tara shivers as Jax sucks lightly on her neck while his big hands slip inside her sweater to stroke her heated skin.

"What the hell…?" The sound of explosions distracts him before he can dispense with her top; lifting his head, he scowls in the direction of the noise.

It's a short reprieve from his enthralling assault to her senses - but long enough for her brain to fill with images of all the naughty things she wants to do to him; a smile curves her lips as the heated lust in his gaze intensifies - he must've read her mind.

"Come on." Tara grabs his hand and tugs him up the stairs to her loft; she grabs a thick wool blanket then ushers him out the door leading to her balcony. "It's the Christmas Eve fireworks show," she tells him un-necessarily as the sky fills with brightly colored pyrotechnics.

"You want to watch a fireworks show?" he asks dumbly, scratching his short beard as she flips on the heat lamps and spreads the wool blanket across the double chaise lounge. Good thing they're in Southern California, she muses; she wouldn't be able to fuck him al fresco in Chicago, not this late in the year. Although, Jax Teller could always heat her up better and faster than any heat lamp, or the sun for that matter.

Trying not to laugh at the puzzled frustration on his face, Tara attacks the fly of his jeans. "No, Baby," she purrs, savoring how his eyes glaze over when she fills her hand with his big, meaty cock. "I want _you_ to see the fireworks."

She strips off his pants and boxers while he shrugs out of his flannel shirt and hoodie; then as he slips his t-shirt over his head, she runs her hands greedily across his sleek muscled chest wondering how in hell had she survived sixteen years without _this_.

Jax attempts to yank off her sweater, but she has other plans for now and brushes his hands away. Pushing him down on to the chaise, Tara feeds him a slow, wet kiss before sliding her lips along his throat to his sternum, detouring to flick his tight nipples with her tongue before kissing her way down to his abdomen where his cock - long and hard and thick - bobs for her eagerly. "God, I missed you Jax," she sighs, running her tongue across the slick wet head before sucking him into her mouth.

"Me too, Babe…oh, shit…" Jax's fingers twist in her hair, his hips lifting off the chaise to push his dick deeper into her mouth. Oh yesss, she exults to herself, suckling him hungrily while fondling his balls with her avid, greedy fingers. She could deep-throat him forever, but she senses that he's close to exploding - after all these years, she still knows his body more thoroughly than she knows her own. "Oh fuck, Tara…stop…" he confirms her instincts seconds later; as much as her beautiful boy loved blow jobs he always preferred coming buried balls deep inside of her. "Babe, please…"

Straddling him, she reaches behind her for his discarded jeans then fishes out his wallet; the Jax Teller she knew always, always came prepared - like a carnal boy scout. However, she hadn't expected the half-dozen foil packets that spill onto her lap and his stomach. Lifting an eyebrow, she regards him incredulously. "Really?"

Looking slightly abashed, he grins sheepishly and rubs her bare thigh. "I stopped at a gas station on my way here…thought a little positive thinking might bring me good luck."

Tara rolls her eyes but can't suppress the laughter bubbling from her throat. He's still her adorable, horny Jax. "We're not teen-agers any more, Baby." Leaning over him, she pecks at his lips. "But we'll do our best." She hands him one of the packets to sheathe himself while she peels off her underwear and pulls off her sweater.

"Holy shit, Tara." Jax breathes as he fills his hands with her bare breasts, rubbing the swollen peaks with his thumbs. "Still so pink…" he muses before sitting up to suckle her greedily.

She smiles then moans loudly as he pleasures her breasts with his wet and ravenous mouth. Right after they started dating, Jax admitted that - for months - he'd fantasized over the color of her nipples; it'd made her laugh until she realized the sexually gratifying benefits of his fascination with her "puppies" - especially after he discovered that he could suckle her to orgasm. Evidently it's a skill he still possesses; Tara grips his hair, chanting his name as she goes off like one of the rockets blasting through the sky.

Breathless, she cups his face and nibbles at his lips before pushing him on to his back. "Your turn to get the fireworks, Baby." Slowly, slowly she impales herself on his rigid cock - their moans of pleasure mingling as her soaking wet inner muscles clench around him again and again. In her peripheral vision, she can see the flash of bright lights, but they pale considerably compared to Jax's electric blue gaze fixed on her.

Cupping her breasts, Tara strokes her still-wet, still hard nipples - loving the look of heated, slack-jawed desire on his beautiful face; biting down on her lower lip, she starts to ride - squeezing his big, thrusting dick tighter and tighter as she pumps him faster, deeper, harder. "Oh god, Jax…" she pants as his fingers slip between her thighs to rub her slippery, swollen clit until she explodes again.

Her orgasm must've triggered his because she can hear him screaming over the boom of the fireworks - a litany of profanity at first, then her name over and over..."C _hrist, Tara…oh shit, Babe…I love you, Tara…I love you…so fucking much."_

* * *

Tara's scheduled to work Christmas Day, like she was last year and the year before that; it's just as well with Abel still in the ICU - although when she called to check on him last night and early this morning, both doctors she talked to assured her that all signs were good that the little boy could go home with his Daddy today. Much to Jax's profound relief.

Jax. She's a bit stiff and slightly sore from last night's high school reunion - i.e., bouts of marathon sex; they hadn't used all six condoms (which would've been a feat even in high school) but shit, they actually got close. Not to mention the times Jax got her off with his strong, clever fingers and his hot, wet mouth; hell, this morning, she'd awakened to Jax Teller's blond head between her legs, kissing and nuzzling her thighs. Once she started stirring, he'd greeted her with "Merry Christmas, Babe" and a wicked smile then proceeded to tongue-fuck her until she screamed her pleasure so loud that the neighbors texted to ask if she was okay.

She glances in her rear view mirror to see if he's keeping up with her; even on Christmas Day, LA traffic still sucks. Although he probably doesn't need to follow her to find the hospital; another benefit of his near-perfect memory is an excellent sense of direction. She'd offered to let him hitch a ride with her, silently hoping that he and Abel would come home with her for Christmas after the little boy goes through his final tests and gets his discharge. But Jax had turned her down; apparently he'd been away from SAMCRO long enough, and they needed to get home as soon as Abel was cleared for discharge. In fact, Jax's SAMCRO Brothers were already in LA, already at the hospital, ready to escort the Teller men home to Charming.

At least she'd be spared the stress of a reunion with Gemma or an introduction to Jax's ex-wife; selfishly, she doesn't think it's something she could've handled today…or any day for that matter. Even though there's no chance she'll ever get to meet Wendy Case, Abel's mother.

" _She's dead," Jax tells her in a bland matter-of-fact tone that he could've used to describe the weather. "The stupid bitch OD'd the day after Abel was born." He shakes his head in disgust. "She was still in the hospital with a baby fighting for his life down the hall and decides it'd be a good idea to shoot up." He must've read the horrified sympathy on her face because he shrugs like it's nothing. "It's just as well, Tara; my boy doesn't need that garbage in his life. And that's what she was…junkie trash."_

 _Unable to stop herself, Tara blurts out the question that's been plaguing her since she found out that he'd actually made that commitment with someone else. "Then why did you marry her?"_

 _He doesn't answer right away, preferring to shove another forkful of spaghetti in his mouth - after the fireworks show, she'd dragged him to her kitchen to feed him some late dinner. "Let me ask you a question…since you left me, have you been serious about anyone else?"_

 _Taken aback, she gawks at him. "Why? What does that have to do with anything?" Losing Jax had been the most painful thing to happen to her - especially knowing that his motorcycle club meant more to him than a future with her. So she'd tried to forget him by throwing herself into school and work - and a parade of clean cut, law abiding boyfriends who couldn't be more different from her outlaw ex. And she couldn't love them a fraction as much…if at all._

 _Clasping her hand, he presses a kiss to her fingers. "I hate telling you this, but I want you to understand…_ _After you left, I was lost, Tara. Drunk and high all the time - and completely pissed off that staying with me wasn't good enough for you. So I was determined to forget you…which included fucking nearly all the pussy on the West Coast - trying to find what I had with you…It took me a while to figure out that was never going to happen." He tucks her hair behind her ear, caressing her cheek in the process. "Wendy was a friend…she was a croweater and we had a good time. One night on a trip to Vegas, we got really drunk…the next day I found out we were married. But it was never going to last, not even when she got pregnant with Abel. She wanted love, and I didn't love her - could never love her…she wasn't you."_

Tara turns into the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles parking lot, passing the cluster of parked bikers on her way to her dedicated parking spot. Climbing out of her car, she watches Jax angle his truck into a space near the group of Harleys then get immediately swarmed by his flock of long-haired, leather-clad Brothers. She's happy that he has such tight bonds with them, grateful that they always have his back; she's also bitterly jealous that Jax will always love them more.

Throughout high school, she'd always considered the skanky croweaters and the sluts from school to be the greatest threats to her relationship with Jax; hell, she'd gotten into enough catfights to warn them off her man. In reality, SAMCRO turned out to be her biggest rival…and she never stood a chance.

* * *

"Guess what!" Abel squeals excitedly as she walks into his room in the ICU. "Santa was here!"

Finger-combing his hair, Tara grins at his exuberance and the fact he looks so much better than yesterday. "Is that so? Did you see the reindeer footprints?"

His sparkling eyes widen into big blue saucers. "Really, is there? That'd be cool!"

"I'm pretty sure there are footprints on the roof." She makes a mental note to ask maintenance how to create such a thing; there's no way she's denying this little boy anything on Christmas…or any of the young patients stuck here on such a big day for families. Fortunately, Dr. Ross has relished playing the part of Santa for years, collecting toy donations from area businesses as well as from the staff doctors and nurses. "So what did the big guy give you? I'm sure it's something great since your Daddy said that you've been a really good boy."

Nodding eagerly, Abel points to a giant stuffed giraffe propped up on the chair near his bed. "Nurse Carol says I can't have it on the bed," he pouts. "It's unsantry. But when I get home, we can play!"

Tara's heart squeezes, both at the earnest joy on Abel's face - and because she won't be playing with him any time soon…if ever. "I brought you something, too. It's not nearly as cool as Mr. Giraffe, but I hope you like it."

Even before she joined the staff at CHLA, she's always kept a stash of gifts for her young patients regardless of the season. Having spent her share of time in a hospital ICU room - thanks to dear old dad and murderously crazy Josh Kohn - she knows how scary and lonely it can be.

"Wow! A car!" Abel gushes, clapping with excitement as she pulls the box out of her bag.

Usually she prefers to give presents that help children pass the time - books, coloring books, board games. But last week, she'd been shopping for computer supplies when she saw the red classic convertible Ford Thunderbird remote control car; it'd reminded her so much of her old friend, Tommy Teller, that she had to buy it. Tommy had loved classic cars as much as his older brother loved Harleys; she'd given him a vintage collector model similar to this just before he died. Talk about providence that Tommy's little nephew would show up in her life days later.

Tara places the gift on the chair next to the stuffed giraffe then nods at the nurse that comes into the room. "Nurse Carol and I are going to check if you're well enough to leave us today. If you are, maybe you and your Daddy can play with this before you go back home."

"Yay!" Abel crows gleefully. "Daddy's here!"

Yes, Jax and his Brothers were cooling their jets in the waiting room. Tara had marshalled every ounce of distant professionalism that she could muster when she'd approached them to let Jax know what needed to happen for Abel to be released today. He'd nodded impassively, as if he hadn't kissed every inch of her body last night - and this morning. The guys, those whom she recognized, hadn't looked surprised to see her - apparently Jax had given them the heads-up that his ex-girlfriend was now treating his son.

Bobby, Chibs and Tig had nodded in polite acknowledgement; Opie had crushed her in a bear-hug, lifting her off the ground, and declared how Piney would've loved to see her but couldn't make the trip - someone had to run TM while the rest of them headed to LA.

"Can I touch it?" Abel reaches for the red car. "Pleeeez!"

Unable to deny the sweet little boy, Tara hands him the box, mindful of Nurse Carol's raised brows. "I wiped the box down with an antibacterial cloth." She lets the cautious nurse know; it was the truth - given what Abel had been through yesterday, they had to be careful with infection or anything that could cause complication. Jax had nearly balked when she told him that neither he nor anyone should smoke around Abel…not now, not ever.

"It's so COOL! Thanks Dr. Nose!" Abel wrinkles his own little nose in confusion when Nurse Carol bursts into laughter, turning to Tara to explain what could possibly be so funny.

Tara strokes his hair, it's so soft - just like his Daddy's. "It's pronounced Noles," she corrects him gently. "But tell you what…you can call me Tara."

At his wide grin, she wonders what the little boy would think if he knew that they almost had the same last name.

" _Are you happy here, Tara?" Jax sips his coffee, watching her speculatively while she washes the bowl of any residual pancake batter. "I mean, you work all the time…I have to admit I'm glad you were free, but why didn't you have any plans last night? Or today? It's Christmas, for Christ's sake."_

 _She shrugs, trying to avoid his probing gaze. "I'm a doctor - work is what we do. There's no punch-out clock for us. Besides, I'm not going to be here much longer."_

 _Surprised, he rises to stand in front of her - invading her space, heating her blood. "Where are you going? Tell me it's not back to Chicago." Last night she'd told him about Kohn - how he'd beaten her into a coma after she'd tried to end their relationship, how she'd shot him dead weeks later after he'd broken into her home and tried to rape her. Jax had destroyed a heavy glass vase filled with flowers in his fury._

" _No, you're right about the hours…I need to slow down, try to have a life. So I bought into a private practice in Oregon - just outside of Portland. I'm due there in mid-January."_

 _Placing his hands on her shoulders, he stares down at her with those piercing blue eyes. "Why does it have to be Oregon, Tara? Why can't you come home to Charming? I know St. Thomas could use you, and we…"_

" _Jax, I can't go back there. It's not home any more, not who I am any more. Besides Gemma…"_

 _He shakes his head. "You don't have to worry about her; she's not in my life any more, not in Abel's life."_

 _Stunned, she listens as Jax quickly tells her about finding out that Clay and Gemma had arranged the murder of John Teller, Jax's dad, to preserve SAMCRO's involvement in guns and because they'd been having an affair. Apparently Clay had been "taken care of" by the SAMCRO brotherhood - Tara knew enough about the MC to realize that they'd voted Mayhem on the man who'd been Jax's stepfather since high school. Gemma had been banished from the Club - but in a drug and alcohol-fueled haze, she'd taken Abel, crashing her SUV in the process. Fortunately, the little boy had been fine - Gemma had been killed outright._

 _"She can't come between us anymore, Babe. Nothing can…just come back to Charming. It's where you belong - with me."_

 _It'd been tempting, so goddamn tempting; especially when he'd pulled her into his arms - where she'd always felt safe, always felt loved. But in Charming, it was never going to be about them - Gemma hadn't been the one to tear them apart; it'd been Jax's consuming drive for the gavel and his place at the head of the reaper table that had done that._

" _I can't live that Old Lady life again, Jax. It terrified me; I died a little bit every time you rode out, so scared that you wouldn't come back. Maybe SAMCRO's not in guns any more, but can you tell me honestly that everything you do is legit? That there's no threat to you - of prison or retaliation from another MC? Honestly, is this the life you want for Abel?"_

 _At his silence, she pulls out of his arms and stares into his beautiful, beloved face and decides to take the leap again, extending the offer she'd begged him to take sixteen years ago. "Come with me, Jax. Please. Oregon would be great for Abel, and we…"_

" _No, Tara. No." He pulls on his hoodie and heads for the door, indicating he'd wait for her outside. "I guess we've gone down this road before…and it took us to the exact same place."_

* * *

"Thank Dr. Knowles for taking care of you, Abel." Jax ruffles his little boy's hair as they prepare to head back home to Charming. Despite the ache in her heart, she can't help but smile at the big bad biker with his arms filled with a giant stuffed giraffe.

Abel rushes over to hug her, an impish twinkle in his eyes. "Thank you TARA," he giggles, triggering her own laughter. God, how she's going to miss this sweet little boy. Just like his father, he'd burrowed his way into heart in no time at all.

"Merry Christmas, Buddy." She finger-combs his hair then, unable to resist, pecks a soft kiss to his forehead. "Take care of your Daddy, okay?"

He nods enthusiastically before racing back to Jax, babbling excitedly about the red car and if they can play with it now. "Now, Daddy, please!"

Jax smiles indulgently. "Go outside with Uncle Opie, maybe you can convince him to take it for a spin. I need to talk to Dr. Knowles." He hands off the big giraffe to Bobby, while Opie takes hold of Abel's hand.

"I talked to Dr. Namid at St. Thomas," Tara rushes to inform him, desperate to avoid the tension that had chilled her to the bone this morning. "He wants you to bring Abel in sometime in the next few days for a check-up. I examined Abel myself, and he looks great…but it's good to be sure."

"Tara…"

"…and here's my mobile phone number in case you have any questions, you can call me even when I'm in Oregon - or you can call Dr. Benton, here at CHLA, I briefed him all about Abel. And here's the number of Dr. Greene in Fresno in case something happens before you make it to Charming; I called him and he said…"

"Tara!" Jax grips her shoulders, a smile tugging at his lips. "He's going to be fine…thanks to you." Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a small dark blue velvet pouch. "Hey, I didn't want to leave without giving you this. Beautiful little girls like you deserve to get something good for Christmas…although I'm pretty sure I gave you some really good things last night." He leers suggestively as she tosses her head back in laughter.

Her jaw drops when she opens the pouch and spills its contents - a delicate gold necklace featuring a glittering open circle pendant - on to her palm. "Oh Jax…it's so beautiful…" she breathes, despite the tightening in her chest. "When did you get a chance to get this?"

"Santa Claus," he quips, his blue eyes twinkling. Then cupping her face in his hands, he caresses her cheeks with his thumbs. "Take care of yourself, Babe. Good luck in Oregon."

Tara nods, trying with everything inside her not to cry. For a brief moment, she had him back; then in an instant, she'd lost him again. It'd been hell recovering the first time; she's not quite sure how she'll manage it this time. "I love you, Jax." She blurts out, throwing herself at him and hugging tight.

She feels his arms enfold her and his lips in her hair. Tara doesn't know how long they stand there in the hospital hallway, wrapped up in each other; she just knows she never wants it to end, never wants him to leave her.

He lifts his head to claim her mouth, pouring all of his intensity and longing into the kiss, leaving her breathless and disoriented when he pulls away. "And I love you."

* * *

 _364 days later  
_ _Portland, Oregon_

Pulling into her driveway, Tara smiles at the sight of the Christmas lights twinkling in greeting. It's the first time in years that she's had the time to decorate for Christmas, not since college when she'd help Aunt Barbara deck out her small house.

It's not like she isn't busy - hell yeah she is, but no more 80 work weeks; meaning she's had to time to find and buy a house instead of renting (although she'll always have fond memories of her last townhouse in LA, especially the balcony) and time to make some friends. She'd even tried dating a few of months ago, but it's like the gold circle necklace that she wears every day would burn the entire time and the dates had ended badly. Somehow she could imagine Jax smirking over the fact he'd managed to ruin her for other men - but instead of pain at the thought of him, she finds herself smiling.

Tara walks up to her porch only to stop dead in her tracks at the sight of a big stuffed giraffe perched on her rocking chair next to a thick glass vase full of flowers. Her heart starts pounding uncontrollably as she looks around wildly - almost too afraid to hope. She hears a soft whirring noise behind her and whirls around in time to watch a small, bright red remote control Thunderbird convertible come to a dead stop at her feet.

Squatting, she reaches down to touch the bright red car almost reverently, tears blurring her eyes - tears that spill down her cheeks at the sight of Abel barreling towards her - with a smiling Jax right behind him. "Surprise!" Abel's huge grin disappears as he takes in her wet face. "What's wrong? You sad? Why? Daddy said we're going to live here now."

"No, Buddy," she wipes her eyes and reaches for him, her eyes locking with Jax's intense blue gaze. "I'm not sad…in fact, I've never been happier."


End file.
